If music be the food of “love”……

Today’s rambling was inspired by a post yesterday that can be found here

I’ve always loved music. I listen to it almost constantly. I play it(very badly) as often as I can. Makes sense to me to  at times like to incorporate it into my kink playtime. Two of my great pleasures combined.

My usual playlist is a bit of a mixed bag of heavy rock, industrial and classical music. It’s very much tailored to me and my moods. Each chosen for a different reason.

It may be because the lyrics help set the mood and get further into “the zone”. It may be because of the loud thumping nature of some of it makes it perfect to be blasted loud and enhance sensory deprivation. More often than not it’s about the beat. Many have just the perfect beat for rhythmically working a pair of floggers.

Like most things it’s not something for every scene. It’s really down to my mood at the time.

My Spotify playlist can be found below


Falling down

It’s the dead of night. All is quiet in the world. There’s the soft sounds of sleep coming from the bed beside you. It’s been a good night all round in fact. The scene from earlier is still fresh in your mind. It was long, deeply intense, exhausting both physically and mentally, even quite brutal in places but both of you got exactly what you wanted or needed.

You’ve spent a great deal of time with your girl afterwards. Holding her, reassuring her, tending to her bruised body and in my case, providing her with copious amounts of Irn bru!(that’s a popular Scottish soft drink for non British readers). Maybe even, as is a habit of mine, just sitting beside her, watching over her as she falls asleep. Basically nursing her back to earth, easing her drop. Reminding her that she is the only thing that matters at this time. That she is valued above all. In short, being her safe place. She’s willingly given herself to you to be used as you see fit. It’s the very least she deserves.

Does that all sound familiar? I would hope so. It’s the very bare minimum any Dom/Top should be providing for his sub. Anything less and they really shouldn’t be involved in BDSM. My question is, what about Him? Where does he go once the rush has worn off and alone with his thoughts?

Anyone involved in the lifestyle knows about sub drop. There have been countless articles written about it by people far more clever and articulate than me. I’m kinda moving into personal territory here so bear with me if I ramble.

It’s something I rarely experienced until fairly recently. Yeah there was always the low, especially after you had left and gone about your daily business. That’s perfectly natural.

What really gets me, when a bad drop happens is the feeling of self doubt. This might sound trivial but for me it is very unusual. It manifests itself in thought like “Is she OK?”, “ Did I push her too far tonight”?”. These are questions I already know the answers to having taken care to make sure of both of them but I’ve always hated the idea of doubting myself. The utter feeling of, for want of a better word, hollowness. Almost that your raison d-etre has vanished.

I think half the problem is that it’s a subject that is rarely touched upon. After all, we’re supposed to be the strong ones.  It’s something I’ve never dreamed of telling my sub. Not because of some silly macho ideal, simply because I would rather not burden her with the idea that I may not be at the top of my game when she needs me most. Maybe that is a failing on my part.

After one ‘drop’ happened earlier this year I confided in a close(sub) friend. She pointed out to me that I had to have some self focus and that by not taking care of myself, I was potentially letting down my sub. I instantly saw knew it was a huge failing on my part.

And therein lies the key I think. It’s not selfish to think of yourself. I’m not for a second suggesting ignoring a subs needs in favour of my own. My instinct wouldn’t let me do that even if I wanted to. Maybe just a few more minutes thinking of me and letting myself come down gently will help. Or maybe just being even more open.

I’ve often heard it said that subdrop is different for everyone so I guess that “domdrop” must be quite similar. All I can say is I’m glad it doesn’t happen often.

It sucks becoming human doesn’t it?!

Been a while since I’ve written what could be termed as a normal blog post. Rather like many things in my life of late I could never in a million years have predicted the direction they would go.

I wrote a while ago in an early post how I seemed to be constantly evolving and I wasn’t the same person I was last year. Seems to be recently I am a different person every week!

You see I’ve always been a quiet, private person who kept his feelings and limited emotions to myself. Since most people looked at me and saw a dark brooding sort of guy then it was never a problem.

Recent events in my life have forced me to change the way I look at the world. Someone close suggested I’d finally become human at long last! While I’m not too sure about that I’ve certainly discovered a new side to me of late.

Emotions that I didn’t know I possessed, most good, some I could definitely live without! Being called charming and sweet, two adjectives that are not ever used to describe me!  

Having big decisions to make in my life and for once rather than trying to delay and hoping things will work themselves out, actually realising what is important to me and resolving to do something about it. Realising that someone in your life means more to you than anything and the thought of not having them in it fills you with dread. All in all, a new improved and emotionally more mature me.

So a new chapter of my life looks like it’s unfolding in front of me. Like most things in my life it’s probably not gonna be straightforward! Then again as someone once said, if it’s too easy, it’s not worth it.

How was it for you?

So that’s it. Another year almost over. I hope, like me, you’ve come out of 2014 ahead. There’s been some pretty low points through the year but I’m very happy to say they have been greatly overshadowed by the good.

Anyway I digress. The main purpose here today is to say a huge big thank you to you all. I started this blog less than two months ago. Originally it was just another way for me to ramble and share my thoughts. I never thought for even a second it would take the direction it has. I never dreamed I’d be getting the number of followers and the number of views I have. It’s a pretty amazing feeling to know that my words can entertain and in some cases maybe even arouse a little!

I just want to say a huge thank you to each and every one of you. You’ve given me encouragement, belief and in some cases inspiration;)

Here’s to 2015, may it be filled with fun, happiness and good health for each and every one of you.

Just add suit

The current crop of “instant doms” all over the internet just now amuses me. You know the type I’m talking about, avi is almost invariably a suited picture or some sort of wolf picture. No doubt over the coming months many more instant Christian Grey’s will appear demanding to be called “sir” or “daddy”.

Now I by no means consider myself an expert on the subject. I know very well I still have a lot of tricks to learn. But as someone who has seen his fair share of D/s relationships over the years, here’s a few small tips for any budding Mr Greys.

Try learning something other than clichés. It’s all been done before, we’ve all seen it before. Sorry to burst your bubble on this one chap but you ain’t the first and you won’t be the last to trot out that tired line you thought would have your potential sub on his/her knees.

Try earning your title whatever it may be. ” I am (insert generic phrase here) and you will do as I command ” seems a popular one but in reality isn’t impressing anyone! He/she will call you your choice of title when you’ve earned it.

Above all though, the most important thing is, remember who is actually running the show. It’s hard, but rewarding work to earn the full submission of your sub. To do it properly can take a long time. All it takes though is just that one magic word from the sub and it’s game over!

Try remembering that next time you think you are in total control.

Never judge a book by its cover

A recent conversation with friends reminded me of that quote. Many look at me and see a big confident outgoing guy. Always happy and mostly without a care in the world.

Inside though…………….the stupid grin is covering a multitude of sins. Insecurity, uncertainty and even a touch of jealousy rear their ugly and confusing heads, sometimes all at once and the once clear waters become muddied.

Appearances can be deceptive, everyone is fighting their own battles

Most of all I will not grow up!

Those words blared through my earphones today and got me thinking.

Obviously one can never avoid growing older but is it possible to avoid “growing up”? I’ve always classed myself as an eternal teenager but of course there comes a point when you can’t even fool yourself anymore that that’s the case. You have responsibilities, your body can’t take the partying the way it used to and of course your emotions are different.

Emotions, yes that thing that by the time you get to my age you’re supposed to be in control of! Just when you think you’ve got a handle on life, up it pops and throws a spanner into the works.

Someone very dear to me once said she wasn’t the person she was a year ago. I sometimes wonder if I’m the same person I was a week ago!

The long voyage of self discovery continues I guess.


I’ve never been the most open of people. I’ve never been the sort of guy who talks about himself at any length. Never been quite sure whether it’s some kind of modesty or just the fact I bore myself to death at times!

Part of my reason for doing this blog was to try and share my thoughts and experiences. I’m discovering that not only am I struggling to talk about myself in anything other than the third person, I’m becoming a super critic of my own work!

At the time of writing this, I currently have six other pieces of work in various states of readiness! Best get working!

Life before twitter

I’ve been around twitter on and off now for around 5 years. Initially wandering in occasionally to have a look(perv) and then on a more permanent basis. Recently I started thinking……..what did I do with my time before twitter?

As the time has passed I’ve found myself more and more immersed in it.  Not only in the more obvious delights of the naughtier side, but also interacting with people. People who have become more than just followers. People who have become friends, confidants and at times a source of inspiration and joy. Sharing everything from happy chat to problems and more than a few saucy chats!

So is it all a glorious waste of time? Does it represent a breakdown in traditional social interaction? Is it just harmless escapism from the drudgery of modern life?

For me it’s probably a little bit of all of those things. As someone who is an avid people watcher there are few places where you can see such a diverse group of people in such close proximity. Long may it continue

A brief history of………..me

Well hello. Slightly daunted at the thought of my first blog if I’m honest. I found my way onto this site through the wonderful world of twitter and some of you may well know me from there(@cjdc74)

I’ve been thinking for a while about begining a proper blog. Several half hearted attempts on tumblr etc and I haven’t got very far so I will make a serious attempt this time to update on a regular basis. I am doing this primarily for myself, though I really hope you good people will enjoy too.  I am not a man particularly good with words but I have always loved the written word.

So what can you expect from this blog?  At the moment I can’t fully answer that question. Like the title says, life, sex, death and the universe. Think that may cover just about everything! All I can say is all will be based on my life, thoughts and  experiences through nearly 40 years in this crazy mixed up world. Any opinions expressed will be mine and mine alone. If you are expecting a nice smooth polished blog then this may not be the one for you.

Welcome aboard