It’s the dead of night. All is quiet in the world. There’s the soft sounds of sleep coming from the bed beside you. It’s been a good night all round in fact. The scene from earlier is still fresh in your mind. It was long, deeply intense, exhausting both physically and mentally, even quite brutal in places but both of you got exactly what you wanted or needed.
You’ve spent a great deal of time with your girl afterwards. Holding her, reassuring her, tending to her bruised body and in my case, providing her with copious amounts of Irn bru!(that’s a popular Scottish soft drink for non British readers). Maybe even, as is a habit of mine, just sitting beside her, watching over her as she falls asleep. Basically nursing her back to earth, easing her drop. Reminding her that she is the only thing that matters at this time. That she is valued above all. In short, being her safe place. She’s willingly given herself to you to be used as you see fit. It’s the very least she deserves.
Does that all sound familiar? I would hope so. It’s the very bare minimum any Dom/Top should be providing for his sub. Anything less and they really shouldn’t be involved in BDSM. My question is, what about Him? Where does he go once the rush has worn off and alone with his thoughts?
Anyone involved in the lifestyle knows about sub drop. There have been countless articles written about it by people far more clever and articulate than me. I’m kinda moving into personal territory here so bear with me if I ramble.
It’s something I rarely experienced until fairly recently. Yeah there was always the low, especially after you had left and gone about your daily business. That’s perfectly natural.
What really gets me, when a bad drop happens is the feeling of self doubt. This might sound trivial but for me it is very unusual. It manifests itself in thought like “Is she OK?”, “ Did I push her too far tonight”?”. These are questions I already know the answers to having taken care to make sure of both of them but I’ve always hated the idea of doubting myself. The utter feeling of, for want of a better word, hollowness. Almost that your raison d-etre has vanished.
I think half the problem is that it’s a subject that is rarely touched upon. After all, we’re supposed to be the strong ones. It’s something I’ve never dreamed of telling my sub. Not because of some silly macho ideal, simply because I would rather not burden her with the idea that I may not be at the top of my game when she needs me most. Maybe that is a failing on my part.
After one ‘drop’ happened earlier this year I confided in a close(sub) friend. She pointed out to me that I had to have some self focus and that by not taking care of myself, I was potentially letting down my sub. I instantly saw knew it was a huge failing on my part.
And therein lies the key I think. It’s not selfish to think of yourself. I’m not for a second suggesting ignoring a subs needs in favour of my own. My instinct wouldn’t let me do that even if I wanted to. Maybe just a few more minutes thinking of me and letting myself come down gently will help. Or maybe just being even more open.
I’ve often heard it said that subdrop is different for everyone so I guess that “domdrop” must be quite similar. All I can say is I’m glad it doesn’t happen often.